Dear ISR, Teachers at my school are overly concerned and gossipy when it comes to our director’s private life. He may not exemplify how they choose to live, but he is honest, hard working, treats us all equally and fairly and has the students’ and teachers’ best interests at heart. Under his leadership our school has made giant strides in academics and technology. He’s a natural leader and knows what he’s doing. Yet there are teachers here who go out of their way to bad-mouth him and subvert his efforts because they say he leads a far from “Christian” lifestyle.
So, he likes to drink after school, smoke and frequent the local clubs. He dates local women, dresses a bit on the eccentric side and drives a sports car. But like I said, he is the most supportive, concerned leader I have had the privilege to work under. The students love him. He even got the board to approve better health insurance, WiFi in the classrooms and much needed supplies.
My question is this: Why should it be anyone’s concern how the school leader spends his time
outside school? Are we educators or etiquette models? I personally think some of these teachers should get off their high horse and drop that holier-than-thou attitude and appreciate the fact they have an outstanding leader.
I’m curious how it is at other schools and would like to hear from other teachers on this topic. Thanks ISR.
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I think – look at the progress of the school, that’s what directors are hired for. If the guy wants to kick up his heels a bit after work in adult company, that’s his business, no matter who sees it. From the description it doesn’t seem like he’s falling down drunk or molesting women. I’ve seen far worse behaviour from Embassy employees, and they’re representing a whole country, yet no-body suggests they should calm it down. Personally, I left a school where the head suggested that I shouldn’t go out drinking in a couple of local bars ‘where some of the older kids go’. Frankly – I’m an adult, they’re not, who should be worried? I should have my personal life curtailed because some 15/16 year old students want to hit the local bars? Unfortunate of course that there isn’t a wider ranging choice! But sheez!
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I noticed as I read through this thread regarding private lives of administrators that the Christian religion was referred to frequently, as though it was the only religion with any sort of a moral compass. I found that ridiculous. Just about all major religions have some sort of restrictions on what is considered appropriate behavior.
Having morals and integrity are not religious values at all. That is what defines a person’s character. When an individual is in a place of leadership and has a professional occupation, it goes without saying that they should conduct themselves with some measure of decorum and act respectfully. Showing hedonistic behavior in public has never been a good idea anywhere, anytime unless you are still in a university and trying to figure out what you want to be when you finally grow up. Once you are in the professional world you should act accordingly. If you find the need to go out and get wasted frequently, perhaps you need to find help for your indulgence issues. Just a thought!
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I would say be a role model that kids would emulate. Despite his achievements, some of the private stuff could brng him down. I mean he could curtail the public eye and do his stuff privately. Yes hestill has to be a role model. What if the president of your country did allof that despite his great achievements in the country?
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The international school sector is a unique place that demands multi-adept group of professionals. Professional integrity. Is that what we are talking about? Would you hire a lawyer from a firm, where the employees have a reputation of going on a bender? Unfortunately families who go abroad do not have a choice in the school in
the country were their profession has landed them. Can’t we as teachers at least uphold a universal truth of integrity in and out side of our workplace.
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There is nothing in the new testament that says we should not drink or smoke or fraternize with women. At one point Jesus complains that his critics call him a drunkard because he likes to go to parties. He is said to have changed water in wine.
These jerks are just phonies who pretent thier social conservatism is somehow holier than thou.
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when you work at an international school you are “living in a fish bowl.” this applies to teachers as well as administrators. every school has a culture and that culture exists within a larger culture, that of the locale. get the “lay of the land.” pay attention to both. this can take a while.
be discrete – especially if your “lifestyle” is “different.” if you want your private life to remain private, guard it carefully. even then someone will probably know something about it.
don’t gossip – especially in groups!
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However, I believe one must respect the cultural norms of the culture. Guys dont be slobs! If you are going to get crazy do it in a safe place where you dont have to worry about a parent driving by as you barf in the gutter in front of the bar! Also, when in civilian attire respect the norms. Dont walk around in shorty shorts all wild- looking. It is all about respect. Respect yourself and if you can´t do that at least respect the culture of your host country and if you can´t even do that make sure you keep your nefarious activities as clandestine as possible. Teachers and administrators must support each other and protect one another from ourselves if need be…as long as they are doing thier job of course…
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I find directors that promote christian values in and out of the workplace are more offensive than this director mentioned!!! I read stuff about directors in QSI. Does anyone know anything about QSI?
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I can see this from three different perspectives:
1) As a single teacher living abroad, I used to live it up, knock back a few jars and stumble home. I thought, this is one of the benefits of moving to new countries – meeting new people and partying like mad. I did a good job so who had the right to tell me how to act outside of school?
2) Then I got married and had children – who eventually attended the same school as I was teaching at. Seeing my colleagues, my childrens’ teachers, snogging each other at staff do’s, drunk off their face, dancing on tables, appalled me. I thought – this person is teaching my child all day long? If this is what he/she does at a staff do, what do they do when they are at a bar or club? Seeing it through the lens of a parent completely changed my feelings.
3) Then my husband was promoted to principal. And he stopped any and all associating with groups of teachers, in order to maintain some authority. He will occasionally have a particular group over for supper on some pretext, but it is generally low on booze and gossip. He sees this as part of the job, and he asks me to do the same as a representative of our family.
What if you saw your child’s pediatrician at a club getting pissed and smoking? Or your GP? Teachers in general – if we want to be seen as a professional then we should act like one.
If the Director described in the blog is drinking, smoking and going to clubs AND BEING SEEN DOING IT then I think that is a problem, as he is, whether he likes it or not, a representative of the school. As for the clothing and sports car, what a ridiculous issue to discuss. However, dating the local women – is it SE Asia? Was there an age difference? That could be pretty dodgy…
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If the Director described in the blog is drinking, smoking and going to clubs AND BEING SEEN DOING IT then I think that is a problem, as he is, whether he likes it or not, a representative of the school. As for the clothing and sports car, what a ridiculous issue to discuss. However, dating the local women – is it SE Asia? Was there an age difference? That could be pretty dodgy…
I don’t accept that a Director is not allowed to drink, smoke and go to clubs. It’s as ridiculous as the clothing or sports car. Drunk, drugged and dancing naked down the street yes there’s a problem regardless.
“However, dating the local women – is it SE Asia? Was there an age difference? That could be pretty dodgy…”
I really can’t believe you added that. What on Earth are you implying. You really sound like the gossips from the original poster … with more than a dash of racism and ageism in there .. /sheesh!
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Weebil – obviously I was being too euphimistic – what I meant was, is he *buying* these young women? The reason I ask, is that my early experience was In Thailand, where a number of my older male colleagues just paid a Thai Bar Girl’s debts and voila – ready-made girlfriend, which I think is exploitative and disgusting. They would pretend they met legitimately. But if you think that abhoring prostitution is racist, then enjoy your high horse. And ageist – I cannot believe that just because I dislike seeing 60-year-old men with 20-year-old women bothers me, I’m being prejudiced. Sheesh back at you!
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Oh good grief. You sound like the gossips. Listen to yourself. “He dates local women.” They didn’t say he picks up prostitutes, or buys call girls.
If you are white Anglo-Saxon and male and live in Washington DC and move to Boulder, you will “date local women: If you move to France, “you will date local women.” If you move to SE Asia though (according to you) that’s a different matter. Why on Earth are you even suggesting this?
Yep, that’s racist. If you can’t see that, then perhaps you don’t know what it means.
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Yes you will date local women. This is not the same as paying for a prostitute. If you pick up prostitutes you could get arrested and have your name published. So this does not happen very often in Western educational systems as you would lose your job. Moral torpitude I think is the term for being fired on these grounds. The fact is that paying for a prostitute is a lower standard than what good schools set for their staff. Not to mention it is a form of slavery when the woman/ child is forced to do this to support her family…as they are in many countries. If you want to help the women/men who approach you in any country pay for them to get training for a job that does not involve risking their lives offering sex to men/women. They are outcast from their villages and not allowed to return home with any respect.
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You have to be VERY VERY careful when you get involved in situations like that, especially in foreign countries like Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Philippines, Indonesia, etc.
IF you’re a parent, you could end up getting yourself killed by the pimps/mafia that control that trade. They don’t take too kindly to outsiders/foreigners trying to take their business/customers away…not exactly good for their business model.
Of course, that doesn’t make it right. And they’ve at least changed US laws where if you commit a crime abroad, you can be extradicted and face a trial as if you’d committed the same exact crime on US soil (assuming that you don’t have a police/judicial/criminal justice system that the perpetrator can easily bribe his way out of).
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As a male who met a girl in SE Asia when I was in my 30s, fell in love, got married and had a family, I question anyone’s right to judge me or my family. In fact, to borrow anonymous’ quote above, I often think, “this person is teaching my child all day long?” when I hear the racist and xenophobic hatred/anger directed toward Western male/Asian female families by some teachers. Comments will be made about how the Asian mother dresses or acts at parent teacher conferences for instance that would NEVER be said about a Western mother. It saddens me to think of my children being taught judged by these people – or my daughter being subjected to the same double-standard because she’s half-Asian. Will she also have to face the “staff room gossip court of judgement?”
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I think that the private life of a director does make a difference to how he or she is seen, but too much emphasis should not be placed on this. The staff should be grateful if the director has the qualities that you state about him “…he is honest, hard working, treats us all equally and fairly and has the students’ and teachers’ best interests at heart. Under his leadership our school has made giant strides in academics and technology.” People are often too quick to criticize and not quick enough to praise.
However, parents do want teachers, including a director, to be a role model for their children and some parents would not want their children (when they are older, such as 18) to smoke, frequent local clubs, and date a number of women. Whether it should be anyone’s concern how the school leader spends his private life, it can become other people’s concern and it is a shame if a leader receives less respect from parents as a result.
Having said that, parents who disagree with his lifestyle can always point out to their kids the strengths of the director and say that “no one is perfect”. They can explain their view to their children and let the children decide what is right and wrong.
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I think it’s just values that need to addressed…NON-SECULAR good old fashioned values. As long as the director does his job and this one obviously has, then his private life should be just that…..PRIVATE!!! Of course as teaching professionals, we don’t want students, peers or parents to see us “partying”, but the truth is most teachers (ESPECIALLY INTERNATIONAL TEACHERS) do….just be responsible about it and respect cultural boundaries and each other’s PRIVACY!! Unless it directly effects the school environment, stay out of it. Every profession has respectable and not so respectable people, we’re no different than the rest of the world!!!
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@anonymous. I think you’re way off the mark on this partucuar thread. If I’m not mistaken most people here haven’t mentioned names or people, or even complained about specific behaviour. In fact I believe that the majority are opposed to ‘muckraking’. The only issue I have is how people view Christian values as a negative. This, however, could be a whole other topic as it depends on what Christian you speak to as to how they describe their values! I think the old fashioned idea of Christian values is more about control and conformity than being a good and kind person and treating others with repect.
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What I was refering to is directors with the type of behavior that judges and condemns teachers because it does not conform with their particular interpretation of Christianity. My intention is not to brush al christians in one stroke. I just read that some school organizations have very strict christian leaning leadership. Just wondering…slightly off topic.. sorry folks.
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What a director (or principal) does on his/her own time is his/her own business. Having said that, I don’t want to see a 40-something principal falling down sloppy drunk and then puking. (Frankly, I don’t want to see teachers doing it, either–have some class! You got out of college quite some time ago–act like it.)
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May be you should read what happened at Trio World School ,Bangalore,India
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It seems to me that people become more concerned with keeping up appearances than what is actually important. Unfortunately, a balanced education is not at the forefront of many school’s ethos (though they may SAY it is). If we truly had a balanced education we would welcome people from all walks of life in order to expose our children to different views and ideas (obviously not including anybody with questionable views or criminal intent). Surely this exposure to people of the ‘real’ world will only benefit the children in terms of independant thinking, social skills and tolerance. ,
International schools. Although preaching multiculturalism and tolerance, in my admittedly limited, experience they often seem to breed an opposing environment.
Good for the teachers and directors who don’t compromise who they are whilst still maintaining high standards.
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People will be people, you will always have a contingent that focus on things like this, it is unavoidable. I have found during my career, first as a leader in the private sector and then in education, that the best thing you can do as an individual is to not provide an audience for them. If he is as good as you make him out to be, my guess is that most people in your school feel the same way you do.
One stipulation: If your school is identified as a “Christian” school, then I think a director takes the job knowing there is a different perspective to the expectations of his personal conduct.
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I would love to have a director like that. Someone who knows what he is doing and who is not conservative. He dates local women ? Good for him (as long as they are adults and free). I am more concern about the narrow minded teachers who are getting offended by his free spirit lifestyle
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I agree that principals too should have a private life but when they are in that position of leadership, they are expected to live by a certain standard. It comes in a package.
Though we frown upon judging others, inadvertently people in education who are supposed to educate the young will always be scrutinized in every way by society. Naturally, standards don’t only apply to academic ability, the efficiency and effectiveness of the educator but to the moral soundness.
It has got nothing to do with being religious, it is simply because parents want their children to be equipped with the right moral compass and it has to start with the teachers right from the principal.
It would be an ideal, perfect world if we do without the double standards.
Private life should be kept private, especially among educators. Call it an occupational hazard if you like.
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Actually, it has to start with the parents.
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I agree totally with you. Having taught students from all walks of life, I totally agree with you there that it has to start with parents. They are the ones who provide the mould for their children. However this will take us to another level of discussion.
At this point, the parameters of this contention are confined to educators, specifically the director/principal. Hence, my focus on the educators.
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As the question of “Christian lifestyle?” has been raised, can we assume that the school has a Christian sponsoring organization. I am an administrator at a Christian school and most certainly, the HOS must support the Christian ethos of the school through their lifestyle and they know this when they sign on.
For schools where this is not the case, then an HOS has the right to have a private life and not be held up to any particular moralistic label (as long as their private life does not fall into the realm of the illegal or an embarrassment for the school – they are the “face” of the school after all; it comes with the job).
Sounds like this particular administrator is doing a good job, having a full life, and not doing anything to get bent out of shape about.
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I agree. The only other possibility I can think of, other than that the school has Christian connections, is that perhaps the director claims to be a Christian.
If so, however, the critical teachers are violating Biblical requirements to confront a brother directly with their concerns and would seem to be guilty of sins themselves: gossip and undermining one placed in a leadership position over them.
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My recently removed colleague would pick up local prostitutes regularly with no discretion. Go to Thailand and hire 14-16 year old prostitutes…mind you he was the head of school and director of the middle and high school with students the same age as these prostitutes. Then he brought one to live with him who was 16 but she could not get visas regularly so he aged up to 19 year olds. I wondered why the board did not remove him and suspect they would go with him to party. He also would pursue all the women employees married and single to party with him in his house many felt very uncomfortable but trapped as he was the one who controlled whether they kept their jobs. I was appalled by his lack of judgement and discretion as he was an experienced Canandian administrator from Ottawa…surely this would not have been allowed there…so why do this in an international setting? When a major intl teacher placement organization was presented with some of these concerns there was no reaction. Then they unlisted the school (which did finally not renew his contract) and they are setting him up in another school. CNN prostitution is slavery campaign has not reached the international school market yet I guess. I have survived this by detaching and doing my job but it has damaged me. Who can I use for a reference? and no one wants to know this was going on..and it continues again and again.
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I think there’s a tendency to think of ourselves and those of us who work overseas as missionaries. Yes, I know that’s silly. But many times we’re seen as “spreading the word of….education”.
That has connotations of assumed respectability (for a Brd of Dir, a school’s reputation in the community w/ parents and students, etc.) and that’s where the problem falls. All too many time it seems that organizations, in the form of the individuals making up the organization, are actively looking for reasons to dismiss a person of authority, to turn their back on respect for that person because of a perceived insult to society/the organization/the authorities.
As a teacher, for many reasons throughout one’s career, it’s just FAR better to distance yourself, to avoid (like crazy) ALL the injurious gossip and BS that people are so happy to throw about.
Just don’t participate in the mud-slinging and what you don’t see, don’t participate in surely can’t hurt you.
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They call it “private life” for a reason, and all to often we let the “haters” get away with their nitpicking because we don’t want to create a scene. Call them on it, and tell them if they don’t like it, they can always leave. It only takes a few people to ruin the tone of a school.
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Judge not!
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The problem with working your way up the ladder is that you’re more visible up there. I remember one night a slew of teachers went out for a TGIF and the new principal was in attendance. I think she wanted to get to know her faculty a little bit outside of the classroom, which is understandable.
We all had fun and by the end of the night, everybody was sloppy drunk. What perturbed me was the Monday after, when certain teachers were harping on about the drunken behavior of the principal. Never mind they were in on the party too. The fact that she was an administrator made her behavior inexcusable.
Looking back, I still don’t agree with it, but I do understand their perspective. An administrator is supposed to be the model of perfection, one of “them” not “us.” If they show their humanity for even an minute, then narrow minded types will see that as weakness, which they in turn perceive as unfitness to lead.
Many admins I’ve known have a 2-drink limit when they join faculty for a night out. Then they find an excuse to leave early. I don’t think that’s the way it should be, but that’s just how it goes when you’re a head muckitymuck.
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I had teachers lie about my activities and the school fired me because of emails. As a director, i was glad to leave a school where an email charging various activities and is not allowed to be challenged by the victim— weak school management from afar.
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sounds like a situation i experienced, however, i was guilty of the activities listed in the emails. i was also fired…twice…some of us never learn.
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Leaders who are supportive can be few and far between…if this Director is not causing problems at school, for the teachers or families of the school, then what business is it to “judge” him? The best Directors I’ve worked for were “Colorful”…and supportive. The worst? “Christian” values who never checked our side of the story and released us from our contract. Give me a colorful and supportive person ALWAYS!
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As long as a director, or teacher for that matter, does their job professionally, responsibly and with enthusiasm/caring there is no need for anyone to question or watch what s/he does outside of work.
I agree with the idea of promoting diversity and private is private!
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I worked in Thailand and mid-year a good friend came to visit. He wanted to spend the evening at Sabai-Land, a local upscale brothel. I dropped him off and he came dragging in the next morning.
At school the director asked were my buddy was and I told him I had left him at Sabai-Land the night before. The guy went ballistic on me insisting there would be trouble if one of the parents had been there and saw me. Okay genius…so one of the parents goes to spend the night at the brothel and we see each other. Is he going to tell the neighborhood he saw me there? With that kind of logic It’s no wonder he couldn’t run the school!!
Then Mr. uptight had the stupidity to pass on this tid-bit of information on to a couple of prudish American teachers who couldn’t get a man in Thailand if their lives depended on it. I finally had to tell these two self-righteous ninnies to get out of and stay out of my face. I agree, international schools can be a breeding ground for conservative types.
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What I find interesting is that you see no problem with promoting the sex-trafficing trade in Thailand. Rock on party boy with your ‘liberal’ exploitation of women world-wide. Funny that you feel the need to say the brothel was ‘upscale’ as if the molestation of women can be justified so long as you spend enough money on it. Director was right, and you should be fired.
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A good shortcut would have been to say that the friend went out and leave it at that. It’s a risky thing for the director to be asking, and he shouldn’t have passed the information on to other teachers. That’s some bad gossip there.
That being said, I would surely never want to know that any of my colleagues or their friends were brothel-hopping… ever. You don’t have to be a Christian or any other religious type — or a “conservative”, whatever that means to you — to find prostitution problematic. As for going ahead and discussing it with a school director, are you kidding me? Were you assuming on some good ole boy camaraderie there, or what? And has it ever occurred to you that parents and teachers are held to different standards? Maybe the parent, socially and culturally, was very much entitled to be there. Who can say that the same would be true for teachers?
Maybe your “prudish” colleagues really don’t care about “getting a man.” (What a criticism. Let me guess. They’re not only prudish and American, but I bet they’re ugly too. And feminazis, right? And they don’t find you attractive, is that it?) Maybe they’re disturbed at your ethics. I am too. I just wouldn’t bother to ever to confront you on them. If any colleague of mine discussed nights out at a brothel, I wouldn’t bother to stick around for the convo.
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Although, we’ve all been advised not to judge, we all do it. As the Director of Admissions/Marketing Director, I am in charge of promoting the school. I was trained in college that in any business, “image” is all that matters. The school is no different – every contact we (teachers and administrators) make reflect upon our school. To the Director of School: “it pays to pay attention to your image.”
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As a school head who has a reputation as a party boy, I can assure you that the my biggest problem is the exaggeration of my private life. I’m no altear boy, but I like to tie one on on weekends and that’s my f-in business. I have now been chased into drinking in my home and when I travel becasue the communityt is too small to be seen and one beer turns a coke binge once through the rumor mill. I’ll be happy to leave.
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I’d be more appalled by your failure to use spell check. Heightened responsibility (and pay checks) mean higher levels of scrutiny. Also when you work with kids you need to be like Caesar’s wife. Your reputation is a huge part of the school.
What to party? Be a janitor.
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Oh, so glad I do not work with such judgmental teachers as you. I will pray for you.
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When I first began my international career, I presumed international education would be filled with folks with pretty progressive views. I just figured folks who would be willing to verture out into the world and experience new and different cultures would have an enhanced flexibility. While this can be found, suprising to me is that many international educators, mostly administrators are extremely conservative. I was at a school where the director tried to order a teacher to cut their hair. Let´s face it, international education is highly racist, sexist and homophobic, more so than in developed nations. Just go to any ISS fair. Teachers are pretty much cookie cutter molded, white middle american hetero. Usually you hear about teachers being harrassed and mistreated because they are not dominant culture clones. I am suprised to hear about a director with flavor. I want to apply at his school!
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So true. IS administrators can so often resemble that wizened wretch of a headmaster in Dead Poets Society. Their private lives? My god, I couldn’t imagine a place less worthy of my mental activity, at least for my current director, but I imagine he spends an immense amount of energy trying to keep up the same facades he keeps up in his public life.
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“international education is highly racist, sexist and homophobic” I could not agree more. I believe living in privileged bubbles overseas gives people more bias. Every director I have ever worked for thought racism was not an issue because “we are international”. Teachers (including myself) are too busy leading self endulgent lives to care…
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I am so glad I have never worked in any of the schools that you have. I’ve always worked in environments (while there may have been the odd crazy Director) where regardless of your origins, perceived class, height, color of your skin or sexual orientation, people have been treated equally. The discrimination in teaching should be simply to identify how teachers and administrators can have PD assigned so as to improve or expand their capabilities and aptitudes, or remove those who persistently and maliciously work against the stated mission and philosophy of the school.
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Gee whiz. Wish I had the exciting lives these directors do. …. driving a sports car and another having an affair with a young teacher? Of course being male helps. Living in a Muslim country, western women are treated like we all live our lives like the stars in “Deperate Housewives” by the local Arab men. I am sick of gossip mills and having others ruin your life. The staff who are making value judgements about the Director live in glass houses and enjoy throwing stones from them in order to divert the attention away from themselves and their miserable lives. When will teachers stop being so catty and get a life?
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well said Roberto! we need more live wires, more mavericks and less ‘standardisation! I’m also surprised at the bigotry in some international educators, and I;m also shocked at times at the standards they hold dear. Mediocrity rules! What a shame! what a waste!
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I could tell stories you would not believe about the behaviors of principals and directors, but to what good?
If you don’t like your present p/d then go somewhere else. There are plenty of church based schools out there.
If the p/d is actually breaking the law of the country he/she is from or in, then report them to the apporpriate authorities.
.. .
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In some cases you may have to report to the police in your home country, and they will take it to Interpol.
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As international educators, we are to promote, not criticize, diversity. Private lives should be just that…private. Unfortunately, this situation exists for teachers, as well as administrators.
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As long as there isn’t any nefarious activity, a bit of eccentricity brings color to our lives. Clearly the people who count like him. Your colleagues who are gossiping and subverting (and probably trying to muckrake as well) are the one’s who need to look at their own lifestyles. Hopefully, the fires of hell will be waiting for them because of their un-Christian actions. 🙂
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The private lives of all staff should be looked after .One ought to know the difference between public and private behaviour.In so long as all staff are acting effectively at school and legally in all areas, there should be no issue with how they wish to conduct their private lives.
I think that there may sometimes be unpleasant compromise when the margins overlap and senior staff socialise beyond school events with non-senior staff.
It’s been fairly unpleasant for example to know that in a Muslim country our deputy head has an alcohol dependency issue and is/was having an affair with a younger teacher.
Like it or not, schools do have a chain of command so it is within everyone’s best interests to ensure that inappropriate action from ‘the top’ does not trickle down as abuse of power.
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