Dear ISR, I’m teaching abroad for the first time, after a few years in the US. I love my job, good admin, good peers, great classes. I like the city and the country. I’ve been out seeing the sights, found great dive bars and food. I’m navigating my new home turf. In short, it’s been a successful first semester.
Now, I’m back in the old hometown for Christmas and I realize just how incredibly homesick I’ve been. I was feeling homesick the last few weeks overseas, but had an extremely strong sense of how much I wanted to be back “home” as I was getting on the US bound plane. I’ll be in the States for the next two weeks and I’m not looking forward to going back overseas…
This would be a different discussion if I were subject to some of the abuse it seems is out there, but I live in a nice place. I’ve got a good job with good people. My wife and I took this job because we wanted to live in a different environment and explore. But I think we’ve just learned that where we left from to go overseas is where we wanted to be all along.
We’re one semester into a two-year contract. How much of this is part of the normal “first time living/working abroad” learning curve? How have you all dealt with homesickness? How much credence do you put in this after 6 months? And, if this is significant and/or meaningful, how do we manage it for the next 16 months?
Wow, I hear you! It’s a good thing I didn’t go home for Xmas that first year I went overseas, or I wouldn’t have made it back! It may be hard now, but GO BACK. If you know anything about the culture shock cycle, the worst of it hits around December. After 4-5 months, the newness and glamour have worn off, and some of the annoyances start to get, well, annoying.
My first job, it wasn’t until the end of January that I finally settled and realized I would be able to finish the contract. One girl, who turned in her notice in November, because of homesickness, really regretted it by March, but it was too late.
What you Re feeling now is nostalgia for the familiar. I really do think it’s a bad idea for first year ex-pats to head home at Xmas. It makes it just that much harder to re-adjust.
Look, you said you are in a good school, and enjoying the country. It may be hard now, but once you’re back, you will settle in. I hated most of last year (in a new country), but I’m having a great time this year. And since you said your school is good, you really do have an obligation to at least finish the year.
Hang in there!
BTW. In that first job, I not only finished the contract, I stayed another 3 years. Moreover, while I initially planned on staying overseas only 2 years before returning home, I’m now at 12 years, with no plans to return home permanently.
Trav45 has given good advice.
Even though your new location and school may be great, it takes time for it to become “home”. One semester isn’t long enough to form social networks and settle into your new environment.
You say that your school and location are good, so I recommend that you go back to your school and finish your two year contract. Two years goes by quickly.
You can go back home any time, but if you return home now without giving yourself sufficient time to settle in, you may regret it later. Then, you won’t easily get another good job overseas if you have broken a contract.
Enjoy the adventure, look at is a temporary if you must, but make the most of this wonderful opportunity you have. Don’t go home every holiday. Explore where you are now. Make friends, travel, have fun.
The first posting is right on! It’s culture shock and perhaps intensified at this point because of being “home” for the holidays. Since you have no real complaints about the school, the country, or the job, you owe it to yourselves to finish the experience. Take advantage of travel opportunities in your region and learn as much as you can about the culture and the people who surround you. I worked 40 years in 8 countries overseas and each one had its challenges, but I gained so much in knowledge of our world and its peoples. Good luck.
It is true the first year and especially the first six months are hard. For me it as particularly difficult because my mother passed away, but I stuck in there and stayed for five years.
For myself and my colleagues going back was always hard because it was northern China and the weather really sucked in the winter, all miserable and grey.
Being homesick is not really that good a reason for breaking a contract, that always stays with you too, if it was a horrible school maybe.
So hang in there and take the opportunity to see the world while you can afford it!
Don’t bail…stay and find something positive. do whatever you can to fulfill your contract. Reach out to locals. Then get out after two years and know that you “did your time”.. H. I. T. (hang in there as everyone says)
I’d say I felt exactly like you did. Give it time. For me, I never got over the homesickness. For me it came with being an international educator. I never thought I’d make it and I’m already in my fourth year. The time goes fast. I still wish I were home, but when I look at all the benefits my wife and I receive by staying overseas, it makes the decision easier. Afterall, I think being away from home truly makes me appreciate all of the things I took for granted when I lived here. I will always miss home, but I bring pieces of home with me to help when I have bad days. Hang in there, you are perfectly normal!
As a Principal and having worked with exchange students who came to the US before I went overseas as an educator, I encourage you to stay. As you become more acquainted with the natives, you will feel more of a connection. Leaving before a contract is up will be a mark you will find hard to overcome. Just make plans to go home for some of the summer, then next Christmas. During the 2012-2013 school year, you will be focused on a job search. Time will fly. Enjoy the experience where you are. When you are as old as I am, you will treasure the years abroad.
Sorry for stealing the post.
I’m in a similar situation, but instead of a two-year, I’ve only signed a one-year contract. Come January I’ll be asked to verbally agree to a second year. I’m at home ready to go back and get the spring semester over and done with, but generally unhappy with what was verbally offered and what I’ve found actually occurs at the school.
Now trying to decide whether to spend extra hours applying for other positions, or spend that time researching and trying to continue to improve the school I’m currently at.
Breaking a contract vs. finishing and then leaving are totally different. One is extreme, the other is moving on.
Vote with your feet.
Think back to why you wanted to teach overseas, are you gaining those experiences?
Are you enjoying yourself (mostly) everyday?
Do you believe in the school?
Are you treated with respect (that includes salary)?
Can you respect yourself if you take their offer?
If it’s not the place for you, then leave.
One suggestion, if you do leave, though. Maybe you could use the opportunity to learn awkward negotiating skills. Ask for more money, more pd, or whatever it is you want. That is especially hard to do in a place you want to stay, so I would try learning how to do it in a place where if it backfires you don’t mind.
Just be sure that if they say yes to your ‘demands’, you still have the back bone to move on. And if you think that they are open minded enough to hear it, tell them why you are leaving (after the initial negotiations!) On the other hand, they may get the chance to demonstrate that they really value you, and it may shift your perspective of if and how you belong in the community.
Homesickness is not the same for all. Many get over it, some quickly, some need several years. So that’s something only you’ll know about, and you might not figure it out easily.
While international education is growing, the growth is more about providing English medium curriculum to locals who can afford it, as immersion or bilingual programming. The true number of expat students around the world is most likely static at best (on average). Which means the truly top end international schools and thus jobs are a finite market. That’s good for those who get in, because once inside the front gate, it’s much easier to move around. Once leaving the market, whatever the true reason, it can be difficult to get back in.
I would not venture to tell you how to value your feelings for home versus, the ‘benefits’ of living overseas. That’s something you have to weigh…. Very seriously. Only you know the relative importance. Yes, living overseas is commonly found to be a wonderful experience, but… It is not an absolute rule for all who venture out.
But you do want to consider the ramifications of leaving the contract. Because, if a teaching couple do not have a legitimate reason, then leaving mid year, or even at the end of the 1st year of a two year contract is likely to negatively impact future opportunities overseas.
This is all really good advice. What I am about to write may seem harsh, but I really do mean it in good spirit.
Leaving mid-year is poor form, whether you want to teach overseas again or not. It would be a drastic measure and cause major upheaval for the students- very unprofessional and selfish, unless in response to extenuating circumstances. Especially if you are in a good school!
Imagine what you would recommend to your students if they were homesick on a trip or exchange and wanted to quit and go home … you would tell them to stick it out, try their best and learn about themselves in the process; to get the most of their time and honor their commitments.
Part of going overseas is meant to be about being in different and unfamiliar territory. Being homesick is unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory, but as they say, the path of least resistance is often the path of stagnation.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the feeling of being out of place, missing home, family and friends (not to mention missing being able to speak to the (local) people around me at an intellectual level greater than a 5 yr old!) But if you remember the reasons that you pursued overseas teaching, and get excited about them again, I hope you will be happy that you stayed. (at least to the end of this school year).
Get out there and travel on the weekends, take day trips, force yourself out of the school community, make the most of your time!
Enjoy the holidays, but go back. You won’t regret it.
(I speak from experience!)
You don’t mention your age — but my first overseas (non-teaching) posting? I was 29 and accepted a ‘one year/option to renew’ a fantastic situation in SE Asia. Got there, loved it, did all the requisite ‘exploration’ — but after 6 mos., I was asked for a decision. It was easy: I declined. Two mos. later, I was at someone else’s farewell party — and realized with a jolt that it would be mine in 4 short months’ time! That was jarring; somewhere in those 2 months, everything had changed without my realizing it, and I recognized that, for the time being, my frame of reference was there, in my new home. I was fortunate that my position hadn’t been given away, and I completed those 2 years — and 3 more — in the same place.
Almost 30 years later (!), I love ‘going home’ for any holidays, and do, with regularity. But now, for us, ‘coming home’ is usually a matter of returning to the host country.
Living overseas isn’t for everyone, but you want to give it, and yourselves, a (real) chance. Best of luck to you!
The advice provided so far is beneficial. I hope that my comments will also help with your decision. I am positive that the anticipation of going back home for the Christmas Holidays and seeing family again has brought on this melancholy. However, I believe that you will soon find out that what you were missing were the memories and that on the other hand everyday reality comes into play anywhere we are in the world. What you are experiencing at the moment is what is considered the end of the honeymoon period. While this is real and difficult it does subside. I would suggest that the reasons you and your spouse decided to venture into international work are still valid. My best advice is to stick it out. You have each other to rely on and that should help ease the homesickness. Unless the reasons for leaving are health related, I do not recommend you end your contract since this would be viewed as unprofessional and would most probably reduce your chances of working overseas again. Of course, you and your spouse are the only ones able to decipher what is best in your circumstances, but as I reread your comments I can only say that you have excellent reasons to go back; a good school, enjoyable and friendly colleagues, a nice place you live in. This may not necessarily be the case upon your return to the USA. Good luck!
Take heart from the fact that you are not alone. I think most people go through phases of feeling homesick especially if you go back home at a festive and family-centred time of year like Christmas. To get through it just remind yourself of the reasons why you wanted to teach overseas and focus on the positives. For me there have been many. A fabulous education for my two teenage kids that they never would have at the local high school back home; opportunities to visit places we would only have dreamt of; an opportunity to experience of different cultures (making you appreciate your own all the more!); a much higher standard of living….the list can go on and will be quite individual. Remember too, that you can always go back home one day and that with modern technology there are many ways of keeping in touch no matter how far apart you are.
Stay. I’m in a great country but at a lousy school in terms of administration and overall professional behavior of colleagues. It’s my second year into the contract and I’m looking forward to completing it in June and leaving. It’s my first time living/teaching abroad. Still, the kids deserve professional behavior so I have stayed. And my husband and I have learned so much being here. Going home at Christmas is rough but the homesickness will pass.
We ourselves were away for three years but came home every Christmas Break and in the summers. Indeed it was difficult to return to our posts after the first December, but eventually we settled into the routine of coming and going.
Nevertheless, I concur with Karen’s reply on 29 December. You are in a good school environment, so you owe it to everyone and yourselves to keep your commitment, i.e. honor your contract.
Jeez, what message would you be sending to your students if you bailed on them now? That’s not something a committed, adult teacher does.
And remember, the main learner in you classroom is you. Look at your job as a two-year course in global culture…and they’re paying you to take it! Who could turn their back on a deal like that?
With several countries behind me and another coming up in a few months what you are feeling is pretty normal. Experts cite at least a year before you feel at all ‘settled’. For my next job, I felt the same as you – what I really want is right here (in my case a foreign country I have been several years – not my home country!)
All I can say is that home is where we are familiar, you have little long term familiarity with your new job – 3 months..everything might be great, but it is still all new and you have no long term reference points as a comfort zone.
My advice – stick it out for the year – spend more time with your new colleagues, eating, drinking, sharing, and I guarantee you will feel different in a year. You may still want to go home, but you won’t feel that yearning you now have and your decision will be more balanced. A year is not so long and you can feel proud – to get through it…and will probably stay!
All the best.
Nick
I just want to say, thanks for the post. Nice to know that what I’m feeling right now (in the first year of my posting at a great school, at home in the U.S. for the holidays feeling cozy, and not DREADING going back, but a little sad to leave the comfort and convenience of home) is normal. But I just keep thinking of all the positives: the great people I work with, the adventures of living abroad, and some great travel opportunities coming up – much better than in the first half of the school year! Hang in there, and enjoy going back. If you’re still feeling terribly homesick, maybe leave at the end of the school year (with plenty of advance notice so they can fill your position at the hiring fairs), when you won’t be leaving your school in the lurch.
) Happy New Year, and best of luck to you!
I concur with all of the others. Don’t Leave Now. I remember well my first week at my first job overseas. One night I crawled into the bed, pulled the covers over my head and boohooed. “Oh, what have I done?” I wanted to pack my bags and run to the nearest train station in the middle of the night. The next day, however, the sun came out, things looked brighter, and that year turned out to be the best in my life. The new and unfamiliar is always a little hard to swallow first, but if you could make yourself and family get involved in the community, find a church, join a club, volunteer, or something, I think you would feel more and more at home. Just do the right thing and stay.
the first 6 months are the worst and some say go home at xmas and other say dont…either way culture shock, homesickness and end of the honeymoon all hit at the same time….hang in there. you will look back on these years as some of the most interesting in your life and if you do decide to go home after the 2yrs, you will always remember it with fondness. Thank goodness you miss home – wouldnt it be terrible if you didnt?
oh and btw, it struck me right on xmas too, and so i resigned in february, to go home and couldnt find a blimen job!! so had to stay overseas….12 year later I am still here. but thats another story you dont want to hear right now.
I’m relatively new to the teaching profession (certified in 2007) and my question for the author is, what great thing do you have waiting for you here? If you want to meet the most miserable, dejected people on Earth, visit the teacher lounge in U.S. public schools. Corporatists have the man-on-the-street believing teachers are at fault for all of America’s social problems and they’re overpaid to boot! Homesickness will pass. Being sick of home is harder to cure.
Brilliantly stated! Once you get out of the USA, you find a world of teaching and learning that is thriving and — while imperfect to varying degrees — honoring the very educational values that American culture is rejecting.
While I fall into the “stick it out camp” considering the OP’s description of their school, the whole “stick it out for the sake of the kids” thing gives me pause. Some i-schools are so god-awful, so shifty, and so immoral that the most honorable thing to do is to call it a day and become a runner. This sends the loudest and clearest message to the admin, parents, and the kids that all is not well in their world and your absence after Christmas/ Easter/the summer can be glaring proof of that. Sure, a teacher’s CV will have a big hole in it, but nothing is permanent.
There is no honor in suffering. The idea that working at a rotten school in a rotten country educating a do-nothing population with no interest in academics will somehow make you a better teacher or person is malarkey. Suffering is suffering no matter how you cut it, and the less time you can spend your professional life doing it, the better.
You need time to get over homesickness. First year is always rough. After that you will realize the unbelievable life you are living is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Travel, meeting different nationalities, culture. The benefits are endless of international living. Hang in there and enjoy every second.
It’s pretty normal. I’ve been away from home for 8 years now.
I think it’s important to remember that a big reason home is so attractive is b/c it’s so easy. You know how to do everything, have a solid group of friends and family, and can communicate with just about everyone. It’s easy and comfortable, and human beings are addicts for comfort.
I think a lot of homesickness can be boiled down to fatigue, fear, and frustration from being outside your comfort zone. Yeah, for sure, during a 2 week vacation everything has that nice plastic shine. But really, in my opinion, everything looks that way b/c somewhere deep down, you just want to drift back to sleep in a comfortable, safe world.
Living outside your home country forces you awake. (Sure, there are ways to go back to sleep even out here.) And that’s tiring. It can also be unstable, frightening, and aggravating. But it’s also better, at least for a while, b/c you have the opportunity to grow as a person in ways that are not possible back home. I think it requires actually growing up and learning what it means to be independent.
Good luck, and keep looking for the things you like!
ABSOLUTELY!!!
As you can see from all the other posts, what you are feeling is normal. You’ve gone overseas to test the waters and see if this is a lifestyle you want to follow, but you have to give it a good chance. Most schools offer two-year contracts for a reason — that’s usually the minimum time you need to determine if it is right for you. Remember, your next trip home will be in another 6 months and it will last even longer. You likely also find that when you return to your overseas home after the holiday, it will have become just that: HOME.
One thing that helped me in those first years of homesickness was to get involved in the community. I wanted some experiences outside of the school environment as diversion from teaching, and found opportunities to volunteer with situations that involved my heart instead (homes for homeless families, orphanages needing help, folklore museums needing English help, for example).
Once people are counting on you to help, you become part of their family and community. When I thought of leaving them I found that I was seriously missing their company. Thinking I had to go back to the States to see family who could never understand my motives for teaching overseas began to dissipate. I’ve never really enjoyed the “holiday spirit” anyway, and finally admitted that to myself.
If you’re involved in building homes or an orphanage or a park renewal or….whatever it is, try throwing yourself into that and you’ll find your “home” right in your new community!
I’ve done the overseas thing as well, the only difference is…I didn’t go back to the US my first year and it was the best thing I could have done as I had the wonderful opportunity to experience the holidays within another culture. My advice…GO BACK!! Have your family visit you next time and don’t go “home” until your contract is over. Use your time off to travel the world around you. With all the electronic advances since my first teaching job overseas, I plan to skype with family when “homesickness” hits me or IM with my loved ones if and when my next opportunity arises to teach overseas. Hang in there…relax and enjoy the ride you’re on, it is truly a blessing!! Happy New Year and may 2012 bring you happiness and a world of experiences that you will one day look back upon and relize that you’re glad you stuck it out. All the best ~S
I will join in on the discussion here as a seasoned traveller who left my home country 16 years ago to work abroad and have worked in 2 countries since. What you are experiencing is normal especially after a great family reunion like Christmas. I originally came from a very warm climate and would regularly go back home at Christmas and enjoy great times with freinds and family. The first two weeks back would be straight into winter with comparatively extreme temperatures dark mornings and evenings and a very long January. It was hard and miserable and I would be depressed for a good two to three weeks. I finally stayed for Christmas got into the culture and visited home in the summer and returning was not as hard and it had been. I am still enjoying my overseas contract and work. I have learnt far more than I would have had I stayed and infact in the process of considering my third country. Do stay if you can especially if the country, colleagues and school are great as you will find it very difficult to get back mid year and have that awkward question at interview about why you left and there is also the issue of references from the school.
It was nice of you to share your feelings. I am also certain that you are not thinking of shirking your responsibility to your employer. I think you are just curious to know if you are the only fish out there feeling “homesick”. Well, you are not alone. I have have been teaching on the international front for a while and have always been homesick. I always take the first flight out to my home country when school closes. I think the feeling is natural. In my case, I miss the climate, food, friends, family, events and cultural things. For some of us, depending on our socialisation, we respond to changes differently. In my case, I love change and enjoy my international experiences but I am still a “home bunny”. I suggest that you enjoy every moment with the things and people that you love whenever you go home so that you can take some of the beautiful memories back with you overseas. Thanks for sharing.
Wow guys your responses have been so inspiring! I am at a very different point- I am panning to embark on a 2 year post abroad- selling my house, giving up my cats to family, giving up my friends, family and all that is familiar and I know it will be tough- and am absolutely petrified BUT! I will now bear in mind that it will be tougher to begin with and to stick it out in the beginning as it will probably get easier- so this is great food for thought and I will remember this post for when I get out there. By the way I think you are all incredibly brave and wonderful people- I hope I can achieve what you have
!
Bravo for you!!! These two years will only seem like a blink when compared to your whole life. If you don’t like it, you can always come home after two years. You’ll be surprised at how fast the time will fly by. My advice is to make friends, get involved with the locals, learn the language if you don’t already know it. You can be an anchor for any of the students who are away from their homes and the familiar, too. I had a blast during my overseas teaching stint, but it wasn’t America. There will be things that you may not like, but just go over with that knowledge and a good attitude. Keep a diary! I wish I had